Yes!

Yes was todays theme and hopefully most days to come.  I have been reading Dayna Martins book Radical Unschooling and it has really made me think.  You know sometimes you pick up a book or bump into someone or hear something on the radio that is just the right thing for that moment, well being lent this book is like that for me. 

Over the last few weeks I have been feeling like I am losing my way with parenting.  I had turned into shouty mama, who didn’t want mess in the house and said “No!” all the time.  This isn’t how I wanted to parent, this isn’t how I wanted my children to be bought up – being afraid of making any mess because mama will get angry and shout.  Rowan had learnt to shout back and scream in my face.  Harsh, but made me realise.

This week Tris has been away and its given me time in the evenings to think about how we parent and how happy the children are or not as the case may be(I am always thinking about this, just with having no company after the children are in bed my thought are more intense). 

So I realised that I had to change something, somewhere and that something was my attitude – lighten up Michelle!  Then after thinking like this I was lent this book and although similar to other books I have read this one seemed to ring more bells.

So today I woke up and thought, we have no plans let’s just see what happens, but the one thing that isn’t going to happen is me saying no and shouting.

Well, I did shout a little at the very end of the day, but the rest of the day was happy and fun. 

It was a cold and drizzley day and the boys wanted to watch iplayer, so we all sat down to watch some childrens telly.  Then I suggested going to video shop after a trip to the supermarket.  The boys agreed, but the first thing they said was, “Can we have a comic?”

Now before I would have said no, or maybe and then tried to persuade them to go for one that doesn’t come with ten tons of plastic crap or a Ben 10 one (Ben 10 is a big bug bear of mine, but hey that’s my issue, Rowan really likes him), so I said “of course you can choose a comic.”

Then when we get there Reuben wants to go on the Noddy car outside, now I know I have said no to no, but I only have so much money, so I explained that if he went on Noddy there wouldn’t be any money left for a comic, so he decided to look at the comics first (he choose a comic and had a pretend go on Noddy later).

In the supermarket they were great, whizzing down the aisles that were empty, helping me find things and generally being happy kids (an old man even said how wonderful and happy they were!)  I have always made food shopping with both of them an issue as they always want want want, but today they didn’t ask for anything other than comics and raspberries, oh and Dennis the menace bun mix.  I have never bought a ready made cake mix in my life, but they wanted to know what it was, so I suggested buying it and finding out.  The boys were delighted!

The rest of the day pretty much followed suit, they agreed on a DVD - Teenage mutant ninja turtles – again before I would have swayed their choice to something non violent etc etc, but its their choice and I planned on watching it with them.

We made buns, the boys ate 5 each! (they were very small!)

The DVD was loved and prompted a huge amount of role play after – lots of jumping off chairs being superhero turtles!

Then we had really loud music and a good dancing session.

After tea we did a bit in the garden, well I did whilst the boys continued being ninja turtles, then they went to bed very happy.

I can spend all my time enforcing my ideals on them – no violence, no sugary junk food, no plastic toys etc etc, but at the end of the day all I am doing is making them think but why and even giving them explanations it is still going to make it taboo and more exciting for them to want it.  I know if I was told no as a child it made it much more desirable.

So heres to YES and trusting my children to know what they want.